This Crazy, Beautiful Life...

Hi, my name is Tammy.  I'm an over-sharer, a hopeless romantic, a die-hard optimist, a freaky new-age hippie (and proud of it), and a genuine, certified, emotional hot mess.  I'm gullible, a bit ditzy, aggravatingly indecisive, and plagued from time to time by old insecurities and doubts.  Nice to meet you!

I'm really not being self-deprecating--honest!  On the contrary, I can actually embrace my humanity now in all its flawed perfection.  Just as there is a "shadow" side to each of us, so is there a "light" side.  It is this very contrast of light and dark, positive and negative, yin and yang that creates balance in our lives; understanding in our minds; patience, tolerance, and forgiveness in our hearts; and desires and dreams in our souls.

That being said, I must be completely honest with you here...I have been very, very hard on myself lately.  No, let me rephrase that--I have been downright mean and nasty to myself lately.  We're talking full-on bullying. You might be thinking, "Come on, seriously?"  Yes, seriously.

Ever since my path in life took me away from the "secure" life that I was living, the job that I loved so very much, and so many of my dearest family and friends...and then dumped me (rather unceremoniously, I might add) on this tiny, remote island, I have worked hard to be the best caretaker and cheerleader that I can possibly be for my hard-working, dream-chasing husband and my delightfully (and thankfully!) flexible, care-free daughter.  I've stepped outside my comfort zone, put myself out there, and made myself vulnerable.  Yay, me!  

And I've also been consistently chucking myself under the bus.

Wait...what?...Yep, you read that right...I've been letting the bus run right over me--and then back up and run over me again.  Lots of good 'ole self-sabotage, worry, anxiety, fear, and doubt.  Old, negative patterns of thought and behavior have been lurking around corners and popping up unannounced and unwelcome.  The old me would simply watch as I spiraled helplessly down, down, down in a whirlpool of despair.  In fact, the old me would probably find some way to HELP wash me down the pipes, while simultaneously crying about the unfairness of it all.

Luckily, I'm not that person anymore.  There's a big difference, you see, between the old me and the me of today.  So what's new, you ask?  The realization of four simple words, really:  I am good enough.  I've walked over hot coals and come out on the other side a much stronger, better, wiser, and more compassionate version of me.  Don't get me wrong--I am by no means perfect, and my dark side is still there...oh, is it ever still there!  But it's what I do with my dark side that counts.  I don't have to be a prisoner to negative thoughts and self-talk anymore.  No longer am I limited by self-defeating patterns of behavior that were designed solely to prove to myself and others that I was worthless and undeserving. 

A palm reader once told me (I did mention that I'm a freaky new-age hippie, right?) that my biggest lesson in this life is to learn how to love and be loved in return.  Piece of cake, right?  Well, if you think so, then kudos to you, my friend, for you have reached an enviable level of enlightenment.  Over the years, my life has taken me on some crazy, twisty, sad, giddily happy, and unexpected paths.  For much of that time, I painfully bumped and crashed my way through it, always trying to manipulate people and circumstances to fit my "plans"...and then stumbling blindly whenever they fell through (which they invariably did).  

Blessedly, I finally figured out that life is sooo much easier when we just go with the flow...and then everything clicked.  Man, oh man, did that palm reader ever hit the nail right on the head!  Learning how to love myself, how to love other people, and how to let other people love me has been a consistent theme throughout my life, and it's a lesson that I'm still learning, though the journey is much sweeter now.  Today, my heart overflows with gratitude for all the many kinds of love in my life.

Remember when I said that I've been pretty mean to myself lately?  Well, luckily, it didn't take long for me to remember that I actually do love myself.  Sometimes, we can be our own worst enemies.  Really!  We convince ourselves that we don't matter...that we have nothing to offer...that we are simply too crazy for anyone to love.  Listen up, because this is very important...none of that is true.  Yes, I admit that I'm pretty wacky, but I'll tell you a secret...that is one of the things that I can love most about myself now.  After all, there is only one me...and there is only one you...and the world would not be the same without us.  Period.

Today, I know that to love myself means that I honor and respect myself.  Today, I know that to love myself means that I am true to who I really am.  To love myself means that I give myself permission to find my own voice and to speak my own truth.  To love myself means that I own my own power, as well as my own joy.  When we love ourselves, we can, in turn, love others more deeply and fully, and the rewards are many.

I truly believe that people cross our paths for a reason.  No matter how long or how fleeting the encounter, each and every person we come in contact with is important.  Go ahead--let down your defenses, break down your walls, let others see the real you...and let them love you.  First and foremost, though, love yourself.  Know that you have so much to offer, and never doubt that, when you aim true and be the best you that you can be, you'll never go wrong. 

In the short time that I've lived on this island, I have been faced with fear, loneliness, uncertainty, and lots of insecurities.  But I have also been presented with countless opportunities to grow, live, love, and be loved.  I've made some royal blunders, but I've also made some major breakthroughs, and I'm grateful for the growth that will come from both.  A very wise mentor in my life once gave me a simple mantra to live by, and it is one that has never failed me..."relax, and allow..."  "Relax"...life is beautiful.  "Allow"...allow you to be you and others to be them.  Do this, and love will always follow.

To my family--you hold my heart, and I cherish each and every moment with you; thank you for loving me for who I truly am.  To the friends who have been here for me through the years--thank you from the bottom of my heart...I can only hope that I have blessed your lives in return.  And to the new friends I have made on this island--you know who you are--you are one of a kind...a special gift from the Universe, sent to share this special journey with me.  We're in this together.  Thank you for opening your hearts and your homes to me and my family, thank you for sharing who you really are with me, and thank you for accepting and loving me--flaws and all. 

As I was writing this piece, I was inspired by a quote that appeared on a page of my journal, and I'd like to share it with you all now:

"We are what we think.  All that we are arises with our thoughts.  With our thoughts, we make the world."--Buddha

Choose thoughts that feel good, and always, ALWAYS, choose love.

Peace and love, my friends.

Tammy
    

Going Bananas

Living on a tropical island, there are plenty of fresh--and I mean straight from the tree--bananas, and, believe me, I am taking full advantage of this treasure.  I mean, seriously, how fun is this???

Now, what to do with all of these bananas before they go bad...why do bananas have the irritating habit of ripening and turning black at the speed of light?  With a gazillion bananas on my counter top, I have to come up with something--and quick.  Luckily, I know just the thing.

I have recently "discovered" smoothies.  Oh...my...goodness...how have I gone 40 years without them!?  Delightfully decadent, yet healthy-as-all-get-out (I solemnly swear to leave out the Nutella), smoothies are simply the bomb.  And they're even MORE scrumptious when you use fresh fruit that you've flash-frozen yourself.

...Did I mention that I have a gazillion bananas...?...

I just learned how to flash-freeze stuff, and it's so simple and such a good way to save money by not letting food go bad, that I've become obsessed.  Mangoes, berries, bell peppers, eggplant, buttery-cheesy-gooey olive bread...and now a gazillion bananas.  I had to...it's an island--don't judge.

Luckily, once ripened, bananas can be peeled, cut into chunks, and flash-frozen for easy use later.  After several "mad scientist" sessions in my kitchen, I have come up with what I believe is the most absolutely divine--yet good for you--peanut butter banana smoothie.  So good, in fact, that I would feel bad keeping it all to myself.  Enjoy!

Oh, and feel free to experiment with the recipe; I promise you won't hurt my feelings (sniff, sniff...).  Plus, it's fun!

Tammy's Positively Divine

Peanut Butter Banana Smoothie

Ingredients (listed in order) for one serving:

3/4 cup unsweetened almond milk (or coconut milk, or low-fat dairy milk, or whatever milk floats your boat)

1-2 big handfuls fresh spinach leaves (Trust me...spinach is a nutrient powerhouse, and I use it in every smoothie I make.  Unless you dump in a whole pound of it, this lovely, leafy green changes only the color, not the flavor, of your smoothie, so there's no good reason to leave it out.

So there!

:-)  

I do, however, remove the stems first--I don't know why...they just ook me out...)

1 - 1 1/2 tsp vanilla extract

2 Tbsp raw/unpasteurized honey (more or less to suit your taste)

(interesting factoid:  honey should be consumed raw, never cooked; cooking/heating honey strips it of its rich nutritional value and turns it into a toxic "glue"; most commercially packaged honey has been heated, so look for the words "raw" or "unpasteurized" on the container in places like whole food stores, farmers' markets, roadside stands, or Ayurvedic centers; the best honey you can get is both raw and local--local honey can help calm your seasonal allergies)

1 banana (fresh or frozen)

1/2" - 1" piece fresh ginger, peeled & diced 

(another interesting factoid:  fresh ginger is a powerful digestive and circulatory aid, and it burns up nasty toxins in the body)

Handful of ice

2 big Tbsp natural/organic peanut butter, added and blended AFTER you've blended the above ingredients up a little first...this will help prevent the peanut butter from sticking to the sides of your blender 

You can also use other kinds of nut butters (almond, for example), but I currently use peanut.  My favorite is the Smart Balance brand (creamy variety), but I just ran out and can't buy it on the island (boo!).  Luckily, I came across this little beauty in the grocery store the other day.  It's British...oooh, ahhh...  The important thing, though, is that there should really be no more than about three or four simple (and pronounceable!) ingredients.

Blend it some more until smooth, pour into a glass, and devour--ahem...I mean, savor--it. 

Some optional additions could include blending in a couple of tablespoons of raw, old-fashioned oats or adding a sprinkle of chia seeds on top before drinking.  Yummy fun.  :-)

That's it for now.  I hope you'll like this delicious, healthy smoothie as much as I do.  I think I slurped it down in about 5 seconds flat this morning...

Peace, dudes

...just practicing my "beach-speak"... ;-)

Tammy

Home Sweet Home

Well, we're here--greetings from Grenada!  After nearly two full weeks on the island, we're finally starting to settle in.  Sometimes, it feels like we're on an extended vacation and that we'll be returning home to Texas soon...and then I remember--this IS home...at least for the next couple of years!

The photos above were taken during our trip into the capital city of St. George's last week.  David drove, thank goodness!  I've managed to venture out on my own once since then (talk about a nervous wreck!).  Driving on the other side of the road and mastering the roundabouts (not to mention avoiding the deep ditches where curbs should be) are going to take some getting used to!  Eventually, though, I'll have fun puttering around in our awesome little island car.  :-)

David is now into his second full week of medical school, and he is firmly mired in books, lectures, labs, and hours of studying.  "Real" life for Jordan and I, however, will begin next week, with the start of Jordan's home school program and swim team practices four days a week--oh, and her scuba dive lessons and volunteering with marine conservation projects on the island, too!  Settling into a routine will be nice, and Jordan is really looking forward to making friends.  Biscuit is even adjusting beautifully, although she's not so sure about the goats that munch the grass outside our front door--lol.  I'm really digging the fresh, local fruits and veggies; experimenting with cooking; practicing yoga on the beach; and being a full-time mom and wife.  My heart is full and happy.  :-) 

The Grenadian people are incredibly warm, hospitable, and polite.  Most have been more than willing to talk for hours and to offer any help and advice they can.  Jordan and I have even struck up a friendship with a joyful, elderly man named Horace, whom we officially met after seeing him around on the beach a couple of times.  Horace is in his 70's, and his beloved wife of 50 years recently passed away.  Despite his loss, he always has a smile on his face, and his love of life is obvious.  With his big grin and happiness-crinkled eyes, Horace proudly informed me that he walks and swims every day to keep fit, and he tries to enjoy life to its fullest each and every day.  Born in Jamaica, he has lived in Grenada for years.  Imagine my surprise when he told me that he has a son in Florida and a daughter in Waco, Texas!  What a small, small, delightfully small world.

Of course, our island life would not be complete without our frequent visits to the beach and pool, and I won't leave you hanging without some breathtaking visuals! ;-)

Well, that's it for now.  Until next time, my dear family and friends!  

Peace, love, and namaste.  All is well.

Greetings!

Greetings to our family and friends!  As most of you already know, David got accepted to medical school at St. George's University on the Caribbean island of Grenada, West Indies, and I've created this blog to help keep everyone up-to-date with our adventures over the next couple of years...and what an adventure I'm sure it's going to be!  One thing's for certain...we're not your "ordinary" Smiths anymore!  ;-)

Right now, we're busy packing and getting our house in Ft. Worth ready to go on the market.  We've started the countdown to the big move, and we're all pretty excited...less than two months to go!  Jordan is a little sad to be leaving her friends--as any 12-year-old would be--but she's looking forward to making new friends on the island--both human and animal (she's already talking about having a pet monkey named "Agent Bananas"--haha!).  With her passion for the ocean and her dream of becoming a marine biologist, what better way to immerse herself in it than living right smack in the middle of it all, right? :-)  I'm looking forward to developing a different and even stronger bond with Jordan, as I'll be homeschooling her and working right alongside her on many ocean and animal conservation projects.  I look forward to posting stories and pictures for you all!

Of course, Jordan and I are so excited for David, and we're going to love and support him in any way we can.  Go get 'em, David--you're going to be a wonderful, amazing doctor, and we're so proud of you!